Million Dollar Ideas

You always hear stories of people coming up with inventions or products that make them rich.

Sometimes, the idea is something so simple and essential that you wonder how life could have been lived before it. Like voicemail. Then there are inventions that are not necessarily groundbreaking, but just done better than anything else on the market. Like Google. And then there are the products that leave you scratching your head and wondering how the hell they made any money at all. Like antenna balls. The guy who invented antenna balls is now a millionaire.

All of this got me thinking about whether I could introduce anything to the world that would make me some money. Some scratch. Some dough. Some paper. Some greenbacks. I think I have a couple winners on my hands here.

Idea #1: Black (or Dark Brown) Band-Aids

Why are all band-aids that peachy flesh color? I think it's because the idea was to have them blend in with people's skin. If you get a cut, no problem! Just cover it up with a band-aid and no one would ever be able to tell. Unless you're Nelly and you wear them on your freakin' face like it's supposed to be cool or something.

Anyway, this clearly is not cool for people with darker skin tones. So let's make band-aids of all tones and hues so that everyone can enjoy their original purpose: to surreptitiously mask the cuts and wounds of yesterday.

-- EDIT: Apparently, these already exist: http://www.ebon-aide.com. Curses. --
Idea #2: Hands-Free Umbrella..ella..ella..eh?

This one comes straight from the mind of Sally Son. Everyone agrees that it's annoying to have to hold up an umbrella with your hand whenever it's raining (and by everyone, I mean the four people I've talked to about this). So why not combine magnet technology with umbrella technology to come up with something that just hovers above you while the rain pours down? It would be elegant and convenient, and if that means that all your credit cards and electronics get screwed up if you take them out with the umbrella open, then so be it.

Now, I'm not quite sure what would happen if two people with these magbrellas walked side by side. Would whoever had the bigger magbrella attract the other person's? That wouldn't be good. Magbrella envy would become a very real and very important consideration. Perhaps the two people would repel each other. Or attract? I don't know. But these are questions that can be answered later, by people far smarter than me. For now, let me just say this: I agreed 110% with this idea's practicality and ingenuity right from the start. No matter what Miss Son claims, I did NOT mock her idea immediately after she proposed it. Nope. No sir. I was fully supportive.

Unless the end product winds up looking something like this:

In that case I had nothing to do with it.

Idea #3: Couches + Videogames/TV in Women's Clothing Stores

I was hanging out with my sister the other day when she wanted to stop by an H&M. I stayed around the front entrance, checking email on my phone and passing the time. When I looked up though, I made eye contact with at least three other guys, who all had a knowing look on their faces: "We are here against our will because of a woman in our lives."

I admit I've waited around many stores for many different women (like my mom, sister, aunt, and friends, you judgmental jerks), and usually, I'm pretty good about being patient while they look for what they need. But the stores with seats make it so much easier. I think Banana Republic has seats. Throw in a television and maybe a videogame system and you've got a store where the women don't have to worry about leaving their men alone and/or bored for too long. Longer, more carefree time for women to shop = more money for the store. It's simple, really.

In closing, please don't steal any of these ideas and turn them into your own personal fortune. That would suck. But in the event that you do decide to be sucky, don't forget where you got your idea from. Or else. Please.