Swimming and Running

The Olympics are really a special time. Occurring just once every four years, the Games give athletes a chance to represent their country and showcase their talents for the world to see. The Olympics also give masters of lesser-known sports (like power walking, curling, modern pentathlon, BMX cycling, track cycling, mountain bike cycling, road cycling...any cycling) an opportunity to stand on the same grand stage as those of more famous and prestigious sports.

Lauren Gray, one of the best curlers in Britain, is not a household name. Unjust.

But something has been bothering me of late (strange, since the Olympics are so 2008): the discrepancy between the swimming events and track & field events. Much has been made of Michael Phelps and his record-breaking performance at the Beijing Games, and for good reason - winning eight gold medals in a single Olympics is very, very impressive (incredible, actually). But think about this: the guy who held the previous record of seven gold medals - Mark Spitz - was also a swimmer. And the only person who could realistically hope to break Phelps' record (if that goal could ever be called "realistic") would have to be a swimmer.

Why is this? Because swimming, for some reason, divides up its events in such a way that one guy who happens to be really great at moving through water can rack up medals by just doing it a bunch of different ways. Like backwards.

Makes sense to swim like this, if you're racing.

But this? Why would you go backwards?

People don't make a big enough deal out of how random all of this really is. Imagine if Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter who shattered the world record in the 100-meter dash even though he basically jogged the last fifth of the race, could have raced people running backwards (which is the basic idea behind a backstroke). He probably would have dominated. The same goes for skipping, one-legged hopping, and running while clapping your hands above your head (it could be the butterfly for runners).

And honestly, for sheer entertainment value, who wouldn't want to see just how fast a human could do these things? Imagine a 400-meter medley consisting of a backwards leg, a skipping leg, a hopping leg, and a 'butterfly' leg. That's good stuff.

So why the discrimination for those who prefer to do their racing on land?

My personal theory is that somewhere along the line, someone felt guilty about making the Aquaman superhero so lame that he or she wanted to make it up to all water-dwellers across the world. I mean, here's a guy who has to compete against the Batmans, Supermans, and Iron-Mans of the world and his superpower is basically being a strong swimmer and being able to talk to sea creatures. In other words, he's like the Little Mermaid except he's a dude with a lamer suit.

Not that cool.

And I'd personally rather be rescued by this one.

I suppose swimmers can have their medals.