Epic Meal Time

There really isn't much need for me to introduce this entry.  You, the reader, however, should understand three things before proceeding:

(1) There is a series of videos on YouTube called Epic Mealtime.  The basic premise is that a group of dudes who may or may not be insane cook up such culinary masterpieces as Fast Food Lasagna, Chili Four Loko, and Breakfast of Booze, and then proceed to eat said masterpieces.  Click on the links if you must, but only if you must.  The descriptions of the dishes are pretty accurate.

(2) Sometimes, my friends and I see things in action and are greatly inspired to do those things ourselves.  Some of us watched the U.S. Open and were inspired to play tennis.  Some of us watched the Fast and the Furious movies and were inspired to drive like idiots on our way home from the theater.  All of us watched Epic Mealtime and were inspired to make and eat 26,000 artery-clogging calories in one sitting.

Now, most of the time, our iterations of those actions are pathetic attempts at recreating the magic that we saw onscreen.  The game Roger Federer plays and the game I play can barely be called the same game.  Paul Walker driving 120 m.p.h. with a beautiful woman draped all over him is surely not the same thing as me speeding a little bit (not too much) in my Accord.  This time, however, life truly did imitate art.  This was the real deal.  Or real meal.

(3) Yes, we really did eat this.  And no, we're not the smartest people you'll ever meet.

Layers 1-3: Tater tots, kielbasa, cheese.

Layer 4: Cheeseburgers from Burger King.

Layers 5-6: Mac and cheese (with more kielbasa), bacon.

The most important step in combining the layers is...

...maintaining the solemn face of someone who understands what's to come.

Layer 7: Mashed potatoes.

Layer 8: Crushed Doritos.

After a few minutes in the oven to make sure everything is cooked properly...

...we heap generous portions onto our plates.
Because you know, we're civilized and would never just eat directly out of the pan.

Will understands that this is as much a mental battle as a physical one.

Which is probably why he was able to go for seconds after we finished.

The rest of us looked like this.

Disclaimer #1: I do not recommend doing this at home.

Disclaimer #2: If you choose to ignore Disclaimer #1 and eat an Epic Meal anyway, I cannot guarantee that your bowel movements will be 100% normal for a few days after the Meal.  If, upon completing the Meal, you feel like you just ingested a bowling ball smothered in butter, don't panic – that's completely normal.  If you're a guy and all your female friends choose not to talk to you or look at you for a while after you eat the Meal, hang in there.  If you're interested in maintaining self-respect, see Disclaimer #1.