Underrated

There are some things in this world that are simply underrated – they don't get the credit/recognition they deserve.  This entry is dedicated to those things.  May it be a humble start to a world of proper ratedness.

(5) Meatballs on pizza

I start here because this completely baffles me.  Not only are meatballs delicious, but they seem pretty Italian – you see meatballs in spaghetti all the time.  How come you don't see them offered as pizza toppings more often?  Someone evil must have decided to skip over meatballs to go straight to black olives and anchovies when thinking of the goodness that should go on the canvas of pizza.  This makes me sad.

This is so beautiful.

(4) Andy Roddick

Poor Andy Roddick (I use the term "poor" very loosely here).

Anyone who semi-regularly follows tennis has surely heard about the dearth of American talent at the top of the sport for quite a while now.  Tennis fans, perhaps accustomed to the dominance of John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors in the 70's and 80's, and then Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi and Jim Courier in the 90's, have been clamoring for the Next American Tennis Hope since Roddick was a kid.

All he's done to live up to those expectations is win a major, win 29 other titles on the pro tour, earn nearly $20 million in tournament prize money, hold the world No. 1 ranking, reach the finals of Wimbledon and the U.S. Open four times (losing each time only to maybe the greatest player ever to step foot on a tennis court), and spend the vast majority of his career ranked among the top five or 10 players in the world.

To put this in perspective, consider that there are 30 teams in the NBA, meaning 150 basketball players are starters.  So if you're considered among the top five or 10 basketball players in the world, you're landing magazine covers, playing in All-Star games, and getting mentioned in Jay-Z songs.

Roddick, on the other hand, has to answer questions about why he 'only' accomplished as much as he did.  Isn't his career a pretty successful one?  I have a hard time even imagining what it would be like to be among the five or 10 best in the world at anything.  I kinda feel sorry for the guy, and then I remember that he wakes up to this woman every morning, and I think he'll be alright:

If you wake up and see this next to you (the woman, not the magazine), your day is off to a fantastic start, head-to-head record against Roger Federer be damned.

(3) Breakfast burritos

I cannot figure out why breakfast burritos have not caught on more.  I think they should be at least as widespread as bagel sandwiches.  What's not to love?  It's deliciousness wrapped up for you.

Weekend Wrap at the Black Cow Cafe in Montrose, CA.
Order it.  Eat it.  Thank me later.

(2) The Postal Service

I realize that the USPS is going through a rough stretch and that not too long from now, it could very well be chillin' with the dodo bird, woolly mammoth, and Friendster.  But for a long time, civil servants dedicated themselves to ensuring that we could communicate with one another effectively.  Sometimes I still marvel at the fact that I can drop something into a bright blue box on a street corner and have it arrive somewhere across the country within a matter of days.  And then I think about the fact that once upon a time, I could have dropped something off and had some man on a horse carry it across the country for me and I realize that yes, the USPS was and remains pretty gangsta.

I think I would have made sure to write very, very meaningful letters if they were carried by the Pony Express.

(1) Seat warmers in cars 

Anyone who has spent time living in a place that gets snow and ice recognizes the clutchness of seat warmers.  They get warmer faster than the heater, and thus significantly cut down on that period of time where you're suffering in your car while waiting for the engine to warm up.  And I don't know why, but having a warm butt really makes a big difference.

Warm butt = warm all over.  It's the truth.

Epic Meal Time

There really isn't much need for me to introduce this entry.  You, the reader, however, should understand three things before proceeding:

(1) There is a series of videos on YouTube called Epic Mealtime.  The basic premise is that a group of dudes who may or may not be insane cook up such culinary masterpieces as Fast Food Lasagna, Chili Four Loko, and Breakfast of Booze, and then proceed to eat said masterpieces.  Click on the links if you must, but only if you must.  The descriptions of the dishes are pretty accurate.

(2) Sometimes, my friends and I see things in action and are greatly inspired to do those things ourselves.  Some of us watched the U.S. Open and were inspired to play tennis.  Some of us watched the Fast and the Furious movies and were inspired to drive like idiots on our way home from the theater.  All of us watched Epic Mealtime and were inspired to make and eat 26,000 artery-clogging calories in one sitting.

Now, most of the time, our iterations of those actions are pathetic attempts at recreating the magic that we saw onscreen.  The game Roger Federer plays and the game I play can barely be called the same game.  Paul Walker driving 120 m.p.h. with a beautiful woman draped all over him is surely not the same thing as me speeding a little bit (not too much) in my Accord.  This time, however, life truly did imitate art.  This was the real deal.  Or real meal.

(3) Yes, we really did eat this.  And no, we're not the smartest people you'll ever meet.

Layers 1-3: Tater tots, kielbasa, cheese.

Layer 4: Cheeseburgers from Burger King.

Layers 5-6: Mac and cheese (with more kielbasa), bacon.

The most important step in combining the layers is...

...maintaining the solemn face of someone who understands what's to come.

Layer 7: Mashed potatoes.

Layer 8: Crushed Doritos.

After a few minutes in the oven to make sure everything is cooked properly...

...we heap generous portions onto our plates.
Because you know, we're civilized and would never just eat directly out of the pan.

Will understands that this is as much a mental battle as a physical one.

Which is probably why he was able to go for seconds after we finished.

The rest of us looked like this.

Disclaimer #1: I do not recommend doing this at home.

Disclaimer #2: If you choose to ignore Disclaimer #1 and eat an Epic Meal anyway, I cannot guarantee that your bowel movements will be 100% normal for a few days after the Meal.  If, upon completing the Meal, you feel like you just ingested a bowling ball smothered in butter, don't panic – that's completely normal.  If you're a guy and all your female friends choose not to talk to you or look at you for a while after you eat the Meal, hang in there.  If you're interested in maintaining self-respect, see Disclaimer #1.